Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Are You Out for Blood?

Are You Out for Blood?

We all do it. We have a switch that flips in our brains. One minute, I'm sitting peacefully at a conference table, listening and contributing to the meeting around me. The next, I'm out for blood. It may be something I heard someone say (regardless of what they intended to say or actually did say) or a reaction to body language or just the last thing to get on my nerves today. Either way, I can feel my heart racing, and I'm ready to pounce. It's an awful feeling.

Have you been there?

Here's the thing, though, are you treating yourself that way? Are you looking at yourself in the mirror or in pictures and taking aim directly at your own heart?

I hear it all the time, and I'm also sometimes guilty of the same thing. Ready, aim, fire. As hurtful as this kind of approach to other people can be, it's even worse when we turn it inside.

I have so many clients who talk to themselves and about themselves in this way, as though they're at war. I'm so fat. Well, you know how my stomach jiggles when I walk? I'm too old to care about how I look. I could never pull that off. Nobody cares what I look like. With my butt? No way! If I were skinnier...If I were younger...If I were in better shape. We've all done it.

And I'm here, raising my voice, joining the chorus of women who have risen up to say that's enough. Let's stop treating ourselves like our own worst enemies. Let's be gentle with ourselves, 'k?

Byron Katie says to start with yourself: you say you are against violence and war in the world, but what about war within? Would we ever talk about a friend's body, shape, weight, or age like we talk about our own?

Let's start today, let's start right now, let's take the first step, close in. Let's talk to ourselves and about ourselves like we would about a dear friend, about the person we love most in the world. Can we make a pact? Can we pinky promise? I'm holding my pinky out to each of you.


Photography : Lauren Modny Photography

Personal Styling : Start Close In
Creative Concept & Direction : Piccadilly
Location : Reston, Virginia


  1. I pinky promise! (But it's so hard!too bad we can't see ourselves the way others do.)

    1. Why couldn't we? Or, better said, how could we? I think we can-if we start by talking to ourselves like we talk to others. Even if it's fake it til you make it.

  2. Great post! Be kind to yourself and to others!

    1. YES! Absolutely. That's a graphic tshirt I'd like to see. Maybe in reverse so it shows up in a mirror.

  3. Such a great post Ella! I know you've been that voice of encouragement in my life on a number of occasions! Thanks for cheering women on as we learn to speak to ourselves with kindness. XOXO